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Un bonsái no es un árbol que no crezca, es un árbol al que se le impide crecer, al que se le van podando ramas, cortando raíces, manipulando su crecimiento natural, a capricho absoluto de su cultivador. Pero al mismo tiempo, se va regando y cuidando con esmero para mantenerlo, porque el verdadero placer es que crezca bajo el control de sus manos y de su imaginación. Y así obtiene “su obra”. Es decir, la misma persona que va “destrozando” la planta es la misma persona que le permite que siga viva. Profesor psiquiatra forense Lorente Acosta (El efecto Bonsai)

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LA ARMONÍA DEL SILENCIO, mi nuevo blog.

LA ARMONÍA DEL SILENCIO, mi nuevo blog.
A veces, me refugio aquí.

26 abr. 2011

CUANDO EL SILENCIO TE HACE CÓMPLICE


SILENCIO, de nuevo el protagonista de una nueva entrada..
Si a grandes rasgos hablé de él  como mariposas que aletean entre los labios de las víctimas de los abusos,  ese silencio que nos condena de por vida, alejándonos poco a poco de tu mundo, existe otro tremendo silencio aún más aberrador, y es el de quien lo sabe y NO actua, el silencio de quienes no quieren creerlo o reconocerlo. Ese silencio que los hacen casi tan culpables como el abusador.


La mayoría de los abusos se producen por parte del padre o un familiar muy cercano, es más fácil acceder a la víctima.

Al padre "siempre" se le ve como el símbolo de autoridad, el que dispone como debe ser la convivencia de todos los integrantes de la familia.
El "jefe de familia", decide cuándo y cómo se premia y cuándo y cómo se castiga. Esto conlleva a que el niño/a tenga un sentimiento de respeto (también de temor) hacia un adulto omnipotente y al mismo tiempo una idea de que lo que él dice, hace o dispone "está bien" o "debe estar bien". Ello es así y se repite en todos los casos: donde el padre abusivo le hace creer a su hija que la relación que se le está proponiendo (en realidad imponiendo) es normal y que todos los padres realizan las mismas prácticas con sus hijas.


Y llegada esta situación, ¿qué ocurre con la madre? Si ya es muy duro dar ese primer paso y nos armamos de valor para contarlo a la madre, ¿Por qué no nos creen? ¿Es cómplice también? Sus respuestas suelen ser de negatividad, de incredulismo, burlas o de tachar a la víctima de mentiroso/a. 
¿De verdad una madre puede pensar que un niño/a de corta edad puede inventarse una cosa así?

El niño/a abusado se siente ahora desamparado. Siente que su madre es cómplice. En muchas ocasiones no son capaces de evaluar adecuadamente las señales que dan indicios de lo que ocurre. La propia angustia de esta madre, quizás algo de inmadurez o dependencia enfermiza hacia su cónyuge, permiten que esto suceda....y sin darse cuenta, hunden más y más a la víctima en su sentimiento de indefensión y sobre todo "culpa".
Y es esta culpa la que te hace callar, la que te autoincrimina como la única causante de un posible "desastre familiar" si lo cuentas, siempre bajo el manto de la amenaza de que fué "sólo" culpa del niño/a.

Y aunque la mayoría de las madres son capaces de dar la vida por sus hijos, lamentablemente otras no; y la complicidad en el abuso está mayoritariamente asociada a la figura materna, que no puede o no quiere creer el abuso.
Escribir este post (a parte de ciertos recuerdos ) me viene a la cabeza este cuadro de Picasso, "Mujer con los brazos cruzados", una figura pasiva, de impávido rostro y de mirada ausente, retratada por el artista durante el "período azul" de su grandiosa obra, y que podría ser una simbólica representación pictórica de estas madres que ven sin querer mirar y callan cuando deben actuar.

64 comentarios:

  1. Muy cierto Basileia, lo que me resulta más incomprensible, quizás, en estos casos es el silencio cómplice de las madres que por sometimiento o miedo a perder a su pareja,intentan ocultar lo que -presumo- debe ser evidente,el abuso hacia su propio hija/o. Terrible verdad que nos golpea de lleno en esas presunciones que ponen al amor maternal en un primer plano frente a cualquier peligro de su prole.
    Si bien estos temas nos sacuden y evidencian las enormes carencias de nuestra sociedad, celebro que aunque sea con una poco feliz temática, hallas decidido retomar tu blog.
    Espero que te encuentres bien, al igual que tus afectos.
    Un abrazo.

    ResponderEliminar
  2. El cuadro también puede ser una mujer que ha sufrido abusos.

    Tocando el tema que tratas no entiendo una persona que calla ante los abusos de otra y menos el callar de una madre. Solo la explicación que puede haber es el terror hacia el que los hace. No olvidemos que este paraliza.
    De todas maneras cuando un hijo puede padecer daños o abusos la madre suele evitar o ponerse delante, reaccionar.
    Otra cosa es el impacto de la verdad que puede bloquear a la madre que se da cuenta o duda además de las consecuencias en el circulo familiar y tapar inconscientemente la realidad.
    Es un tema muy complejo.
    Pero lo que no entenderé es a las personas que ven maltratos hacia otras desde fuera (que no están dentro del circulo familiar) y son incapaces de defender, hablar o coger el teléfono para ayudar. Porque aquí no hay terror, hay pasividad, falta de humanidad y un desinterés por el otro desorbitante.

    Cualquier tipo de maltrato es algo que se ha de evitar lo antes posible, pues este siempre deja secuelas difíciles de superar, imposibilitando una vida serena y normal por lo menos por un tiempo bastante importante.

    NO A LOS ABUSOS DE CUALQUIER TIPO, NO A CUALQUIER TIPO DE VIOLENCIA, ES IMPORTANTE.
    SOLO EVITÁNDOLOS CREAREMOS UNA SOCIEDAD REALMENTE HUMANA Y MUCHO MEJOR EN TODOS LOS SENTIDOS.

    Gracias por tu gran trabajo, espero que estés bien.

    Recibe un fuerte abrazo Basilea.

    ResponderEliminar
  3. Paseando con la brisa
    rozando la verdad, sin prisa

    Con mis sueños a cuestas pero no indecisa
    he tejido una previa nota como misiva

    Invitándote a mi evento sin cortapisa
    como el fluir del agua que hoy avisa

    Usando pocas palabras: y siendo concisa,
    tres años a tu lado abrazando una sonrisa...

    ...esperando tu llegada llena de dicha
    para brindar y besarte de esta guisa...

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Unida a cada uno de vosotros festejo esta semana el 3º cumple-blog, de La gata coqueta
    que tantas alegrías, satisfacciones e increíbles amistades me ha llegado a descubrir.

    Lo que si es obvio, que sin tu apoyo nunca podría haber conseguido abrazar estos tres años de sueños hechos realidad e impresionantes sorpresas, cuando las cosas no eran un vergel de alegría para mi, y gracias a la amabilidad y cordialidad recibida hoy sigo sonriendo a la vida estando en deuda de continuo con todos...

    Hoy también se suman a la fiesta las demás bitácoras; Los amores de la gata coqueta, Mis caricias del alma y Cucadas virtuales y en ellas te he dejado dos regalos al final de los post, relacionados con el evento, los puedes copiar de cualquier blog porque se repiten, espero sean de tú al menos agrado; ya me comentarás algo.

    El beso de despedida hoy allí te espera...en La gata coqueta..

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  4. Hola Susana, es tan duro lo que cuentas que hasta parece increible, pero desgraciadamente es tan cierto como que tu yo existimos.
    Siempre paga el pato el mas débil.

    Besos

    ResponderEliminar
  5. Hay madres consentidoras, pero tambien hay madres que ante una situacion tan antinatura yo creo que su mente no es capaz de dijerir la situacion tan tremenda.
    Por supuesto eso no les inhibe de la responsabilidad ante un suceso tal. El niño debe ser el protegido.

    ResponderEliminar
  6. Mi querida Susana,ya conoces mi opinón porque sabes lo que pasó.
    Siempre el ser más débil.
    Un abrazo enorme.
    Te quiero.

    ResponderEliminar
  7. ¿Sabías que mayor indice de asesinato infantil por desgracia es a manos de las propias madres?

    Excelente escrito.

    ResponderEliminar
  8. Lo primero ke mi madre me dijo es ke yo le provoke. hemos tenido mala suerte con las familias, hay madfres que nunca debieron serlo.

    ResponderEliminar
  9. Plas, Plas. No puedo sino aplaudir. Ayer vi la película de "No tengas miedo" y le dice la niña "¿tú lo sabías, verdad mamá?" Silencio. Se dio a entender que si lo sabía.
    Yo también lo conté. Me creyeron pero no actuaron. Me dejaron ahí, sola. Asumiendo mayor culpa por haberlo contado y no haber servido para "nada".
    Afortunadamente crecemos y nos vamos dando cuenta de muchas cosas.
    En la ecuesta que hice para no víctimas, una de las preguntas precisamente es esa "¿creerías al niño si te dice que ha sido abusado?". La respuesta es que casi nadie se lo creería, sino que tendrían que investigarlo. Es muy duro pensar que el niño puede decir una mentira de semejante barbaridad.
    Buen tema y la imagen es clavadísima. Enhorabuena. Un saludo.

    ResponderEliminar
  10. Hola Basilea por tu trabajo, causa y finalidad en este blog que considero nada fácil y además muy bien hecho, tengo algo para ti en mi blog.
    Cuando puedas pásate a recogerlo.
    Recibe un gran abrazo y toda la fuerza disponible para tu bienestar.

    ResponderEliminar
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